An Age-by-Age Guide to Teaching Kids About “The Birds & The Bees”

What are the appropriate names for children’s private areas? What should I say to explain the origins of babies? Do I have to inform my child that I am of puberty? What is the best time to hold”the big talk”? “big talk”?

This is just a handful of the many queries you could have regarding talking to your kid about sexuality. As soon as you’re comfortable talking about the subject and the more easily conversations in the future will be you can get some helpful tips and discussion points to help explain “the birds and the bees” to children of all age groups.

Ages 0-3: Exploring Their Bodies and Learning the Terms

The infants are still getting to understand their bodies. As they get older, they are conscious of the distinction between gender and are a bit interested in the differences between girls and boys.

  • Set a serious, yet low-key and honest tone regarding sexual concerns. It’s common for babies and toddlers to play with their genitals when changing diapers as well as during bath time, and for boys of all ages to experience frequent prognosis. Try to be relaxed about your child’s interaction with male genitals rather than drawing attention by laughing or making strange faces or yelling at your child.
  • Make sure your child knows the correct names of body parts starting from when your child is young — and without giggling ensure that you do not have to transition from nicknames to official names later in life. “Making up names for body parts may give the idea that there is something bad about the proper name,” according to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). The use of appropriate terms can help your child to freely talk about medical concerns, as well as learn about and report violence without feeling that it’s considered taboo.
  • Begin to talk about sexual organs at the age of 2 as per Talking to your children about sexuality written by Dr. Laura Berman. Learn the terms penis and tests for male genitals as well as the vagina and vulva for female genitals. in addition to the vagina for female sexual organs. The vulva is the term used to describe the broad region of soft skin that surrounds female genitals; the vagina is technically the vaginal canal. Explain the two terms to help kids be comfortable with them as they grow older.
  • Let toddlers and babies “let it all hang out” at home. Toddlers love being naked. Tell your child what areas are private (the areas covered by bathing suits) and tell them that it’s not acceptable to expose or even touch your private areas in public.
Ages 4-5: “Playing Doctor” — and Wondering Where Babies Come From

In the early years of preschool, your child’s general interest in gender (especially the gender opposite) is likely to grow. You may also be asking what the origins of babies are from. How did I come from my mother’s tummy?

  • Don’t be too concerned about your preschooler’s curiosity about sexual organs. According to the AAP, young children between the ages of 4 and 5 can be able to touch their genitals, and may even be interested in the genitals of other children. “These are not adult sexual activities, but signs of normal interest.” When you see your friends hugging and kissing as well as “playing doctor” with other children is commonplace for young children, be sure to inform the child in question that touching someone else in private parts is not acceptable. Also, look for books and toys that can divert the attention of children to more appropriate activities. Sexually inappropriate behavior (such as imitation or drawing images of oral sex or sexual intercourse could be a sign of sexual abuse and should be taken seriously. Be conscious of the warning indications.
  • Inform the child not to touch people, including close relatives and friends could touch her private areas. Only nurses and doctors are allowed to be able to touch his genitals during physical examinations, and you (his parents) can be able to touch his genitals if you are trying to find or treat any genital pain.
  • Find the natural “teachable moments” for talking about sexuality The AAP recommends. As an example, discuss the genitals during bath time and jolly explain pregnancy if your friend or relative is expecting a child. However, don’t overdo the details. Children who inquire about the possibility of pregnancy don’t have to be aware of all the details surrounding sexual activity — simply respond to their specific question with an honest, straightforward answer such as: “Mommies have a tiny egg inside of them and Daddies have something called sperm that can make the egg grow into a baby. The baby comes out of the mom’s vagina. This is how a lot of animals have babies, too.”
Ages 6-7: Gathering Clues and Setting Up Boundaries

Your young elementary school-age child is likely trying to find more information about what precisely genders differ in their bodies, what precisely babies are constructed and what happens in sexual relations between adults. Also, he’s learning to define limits for his own body.

  • Keep answering questions from your child in a simple and honest, without going into too many details. Look up books that are age-appropriate for children to provide explanations. The book It’s Incredible By Robie Harris and Michael Emberley. Harris as well as Michael Emberley’s (recommended for ages 7 and over) illustrations for kids show the ways that girls’ and boys’ body shapes differ “The body parts that differ are the ones which make us female or male. Certain of these parts are located on external surfaces of our body. Others are within our bodies. They are also part of the process that occurs when a body develops which can create the baby.”
  • Learn to teach your child to defend herself from sexual assault and allow her to establish guidelines regarding her body and your safety. If your child is afraid of being smacked or viewed naked even by her immediate family members, let her set the rules and state “no” to anything when it is about her body. It’s normal for children to grow more self-conscious about their bodies as they grow older and become more confident However, it’s important to make sure they understand that nothing they do is considered to be shameful. Parents can still be allowed (even those who are of the opposing gender) to play horseplay, cuddle and carry their children on their shoulders, and even teach children to bathe and shower themselves, provided that the child is at ease with the whole thing.
  • Talk to your kids about the joys of relationships that are romantic to help them understand that love is a part of sexuality. Display affection and respect for your partner Your child is watching every aspect of your life. “Lessons and values he learns at this age will stay with him as an adult,” the AAP states about the aforementioned age range. “It will encourage meaningful adult relationships later.”
Ages 8-12: Preparing for Puberty and Wondering About Sex

In certain ways, the time that leads up to puberty may seem like “the calm before the storm.” Children might be more anxious and shy about sex-related concerns than they were when younger.

Perhaps, they are more curious and less hesitant regarding the subject. In any case, the wheels of your tween are turning and your honesty and openness are more crucial than ever before.

  • Keep following your child’s instructions and answer any questions he has about sexuality. In the guidebook Conversations with Your Kids About Sex, the majority of children acquire an understanding of the basic aspects of sexual sex before age 8 or 9. The AAP suggests finding out the things your child already knows and correcting any incorrect information you have gathered throughout the process. Find out if your child is interested or requires more information in conversations about sex. Then, follow up with “Does that answer your question?”
  • Make use of TV and media time as a chance to inquire regarding your teen’s sexuality-related questions according to the AAP advice. Children who say “eww — gross!” when they see characters acting out in a film could be asking questions about sexuality, so inquire whether your child has concerns. Discuss the representation of gender roles and sex within the mainstream media and how important it is to separate the media’s portrayals from reality.
  • Help your child prepare for puberty. Don’t leave it to your school’s health/sex educators as their advice could be inaccurate, or too late. The puberty period typically begins between 8-13 for girls and 9 to 15 for boys. Early puberty is becoming more prevalent It’s a good idea to inform your child’s older child in elementary school to be aware of the hormonal and physical changes coming up before the time that he (or one of his peers) starts to feel it.
  • If you are discussing puberty, it is possible to talk about the basics of sexual intercourse, however, unless your child has particular needs, it is best to hold off on in-depth discussions on sex until your child is in the early teens. Talk about puberty separately and sexual interactions, rather than just one “big talk,” which could cause embarrassment and anger to your child. Allow him to digest the information one subject at a time.
  • Discuss the normality of sexual desires, “wet dreams,” and masturbation (in private), and give your child some space throughout his tweens and teenage years. Do not make fun of tweens over crushes as their confidence in themselves as well as appearance are fragile. Consider establishing and letting your family know the basic rules of dating.
  • Be aware of the dangers of porn for your child. “The average age a kid sees porn is 10. It’s everywhere and it’s naive to think your kid won’t see it,” sexual health expert Amy Lang tells CNN. “Tell them about porn before they stumble across it: ‘Sometimes people look at pictures or videos of people having sex. This is called pornography, or porn. It’s not for kids, and your heart and mind aren’t ready to see something like this.'”
  • Keep an open-door policy. Even if you’ve been hesitant to discuss sexuality until now, remember that it’s never enough time to present yourself as a source for information on the subject. Inform your child that you’re always there to answer any questions related to sexual maturation, sexuality, sexuality, and other topics she is exposed to through on the Internet or TV or exposed to by friends. You likely want to be the primary source for questions about sexuality and beliefs and values so make sure your child knows often and frequently that you’re always there to help her.
  • Should your child be shy to talk, give your child an appropriate book such as The Perfectly Normal written by Robie Harris? Harris, and Michael Emberley (recommended for ages 10 and over) which he could peruse independently.
Ages 13 & Up: Dating and Dreading — But Needing — “The Talk”

In the past, children know the meaning of sex (and that it doesn’t have anything to do with “birds” and “bees”). There’s a lot to teach youngsters about protecting themselves from STDs as well as teen pregnancy sexual assault on a date, and other dangers.

A mere two percent of U.S. adolescents have sex before age 12 (phew) however, about one-third of teens are sexually active before age 16. That’s nearly half of teens at age 17 and more than 70% by the age of 19 so the teens in the early to mid-teen period is generally a great time to get more details on healthy sexual behaviors.

  • Share your anxiety regarding discussing the sexual issue with your teen. This could aid in breaking the ice, as your teenager is likely to be similarly uncomfortable on the topic as you are. Also, think about using TV or media as a way to start conversations. For instance, you could inquire with your kid if the teen couple in her favorite TV show has had sexual relations, and if she believes it’s appropriate.
  • Tell us what comes to mind, but be real. These are essential points that may aid. Talk to your child about mutual consent and safeguarding herself from STDs or pregnancy through condoms and other contraceptives. Girls are advised to first visit an obstetrician as they begin to become sexually active or when they reach the age of 18 years old.
  • Talk to your kids about staying away from Internet porn, sexting, and connecting with new people on the internet. The legal consequences of sexting can differ from state to state however, it’s best to counsel your child not to engage in the practice completely. Do not monitor your child’s online activities But do talk about guidelines for safe use of mobile devices and making use of apps and social media with care.
  • Be aware of your child’s social life. If your child appears to be in a relationship with someone serious is it time to discuss about contraceptives and sexual sex? The majority of U.S. teens (70 percent of females and 56 percent of males) declare they’ve had their first sexual encounter with a stable partner. “If you find out your child is planning to have sex, it is important to have a direct, open, and non-judgmental conversation,” Dr. Berman advises in Talking to Your Kids about Sexuality. Inform your child that sexual desires are valid and normal, however, sexual activity comes with a lot of responsibility. Be clear about your family’s values and your expectations that your child takes a cautious approach However, be aware that she could continue to engage in the sexual activity regardless of whether you approve or not and it’s crucial to explain to her how to safeguard herself.


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